I like pumpkins.I really like costumes & dressing up & parties
I like kids & games & contests & candy
but I don't like Halloween anymore
and Im crossing my legs that my baby doesnt come out today...
I don't like gore
I don't like scary
I don't like death or the appearance of it
I don't like intent to cause fear
because i have experienced true gore & fear.
I have stared death in the ungly blue face
and wiped up it's murderous blood from the floor
I am learning to accept that some images will never leave my mind no matter how hard I try to force them out and that I can maturely acknowledge them and at least try to ignor them when moments in life spark them alive again.
I have learned to maintain composure in public when needed and to live my life "happy go lucky" as my mother's mother told me in her last words before her brutal death
I can freely cry and mourn again and again when alone and in the dark. I think it better to generally hide your tears and show off your smile (though that is not a modern/PC notion anymore)
So,
I appreciate the fun of Halloween.
The costumes
the parties, games, candy, and general silliness
and I take it no further - than the pumpkins....
Afterall
I just spent the last 3 days fighting back reliving the horror of my find five years ago
and celebrating the joys that this particular Autumn is blessing me with.
This particularlly beautiful
especially happy
most unscary week
that this time of year has yet bring....
5 comments:
Emily:
You are the CUTEST!
Love you SOOOOOOO much!
~RS2
I love the part where you said you were crossing your legs so your baby doesn't come out today. You're such a silly almost-mommy.
Oh Lover -
I am sorry for the pain that you feel this time of year. Hopefully, in the future you may forget the pain of death and remeber the joy of having a new little on. You will make a great mother. That is one of the reasons that I married you. Enjoy these last few days of pregnancy as you bring little ***** into the world. I will be right there beside you the whole time.
Love,
Keith
Oh Keith is great. GREAT.
good work you two.
Em, I agree with your decision to put the images aside every chance you get...and choose to smile and turn your face to the sun. It will get better every time you do. You are in control and YOU are pure SUNSHINE.
Loving you,
Lumi
BABY IS COMING SOOOOOONNNN!!!! Enjoy these last few days of being a non-mom!
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